They Cancelled Halloween + I’m Having a Midlife Crisis.

The cashier at Target called me ma’am. 

Have a good night ma’am.

Not anymore, Young Chippie who has yet to understand what wandering around Target in silence without a two year old can do for a mother’s soul.  But, thanks for that.

Yesterday, they cancelled Halloween which is why I was at Target anyway.  If we’re being honest, cancelling Halloween was fine with me.  Not only did it mean my two and six year old weren’t fighting the rain and wind in their super cute costumes, it meant that I could sneak in a hair appointment before we leave for Mexico.  And I buy the good candy to hand out, so now there is a whole bowl of it just sitting there.

It’s a win for everyone, really. 

Unless you’re the jerks stuck with a bowl of Tootsie Rolls and pennies, in which case I think we all know, you deserve it.

They’ve never cancelled Halloween before, and really I suppose I mean postponed since the kids will trick or treat on Sunday.  You should have heard the uproar from people on Facebook.  You would think that they were asking people to walk out in the rain themselves and deliver it door to door.  There were ridiculous amounts of in MY day you went tricking and treating whether there was eight feet of snow on the ground or not!  This is a travesty!  A crime!  A little rain will never hurt anyone when you’re walking to school uphill both ways barefoot in your sister’s hand-me-down dress.  Kids these days!  Next they’ll be asking us to FEED them the chocolates on a silver spoon!  Maybe we should just move Halloween to June so they can have nice weather every year!  Stupid kids!

And on and on it went for hours.  And then the weather turned out to be nothing until after trick-or-treating would have been over.  That’s what happens when our weather people say something out loud, Mother Nature flips them the bird and says, “I do what I want, Beyotches!"

Of course. 

It waited, because Halloween was already cancelled… postponed… and we need to give these people more fuel to the nostalgia of awful Halloween weathers past.

Cancelled Halloween because of a sprinkle or two?  Hmpff.  Damn kids these days are going soft if you ask me.  Once, I held on to a tree limb while my little brother and I made a human chain to get to every door in the neighborhood, it was so windy.  Need to teach these kids to toughen up.

I always find it highly amusing when people my age… people getting ma’am-ed at the store age, start bitching like we’re ‘the man’ because of course, we are, but no one has to know that.  Do they?  Can we keep it hidden just a little longer that we’re the ones these young whippersnappers will be rolling their eyes at by just shutting our mouths when they call off Halloween because there was the potential for 40 – 50 mph winds and torrential downpours? 

Instead, can we just say, “I wish they’d have called off Halloween that time that I was sick for a week from walking around in the pouring rain and refused to put a coat on over my majorette costume.  Enjoy those tricks and treats on Sunday when there isn’t the threat of flying tree branches and downed power lines, Pipsqueaks.”

Yes, ma’am, we can.