Look, I know the areas in life where I excel. It unfortunately doesn’t involve me being a size two and wearing the most. stylish. boots. you ever did see. I will not be doing a triathlon, I’ll be the one over there handing out water and cheering you on while eating a muffin. My house isn’t ever company ready. Just move that pile of Legos, I will make dinner. I can make you laugh, I can make you think. I am a great friend. I am amazing in bed. I like the woman that I have become. I can also throw a party like you wouldn’t believe.
My name is Michelle and I throw “Pinterest worthy” parties for my children.
I don’t think this makes me a shitty mom, a superior mom, or that I have too much time on my hands. I assure you, I do not.
I also don’t think it makes you a shitty mom for NOT throwing parties like that for your children’s birthdays, having a spotless house, and working full time. I hope you’ll afford me the same kindness when I am braless in the drop off lane at school wearing pajamas and you look like you’ve had twelve hours of sleep, a blowout, and your makeup done before 9 am on a rainy Tuesday.
No really… my hair isn’t this big usually, the rain… dear God, the rain.
We all have our own things, our gifts, and talents. We all have our own priorities. That they are different, doesn’t make them wrong. We all are making the best of our collective situations, but it doesn’t mean we have to be assholes to each other.
See that? I swear too.
We’ve all become so defensive and annoying about parenting.
Do I make my single parent friends upset when I talk about an awful day that I’ve had when Dave is travelling for work and I don’t have a break? Do they think parenting is a breeze when there are two of us here? {Because it isn’t. Not even a little bit.} Does my friend Jen feel badly about showing off the hand sewn curtains and quilt she made for her sweet baby because I can’t sew for shit? Does Danielle feel badly that she runs freaking marathons {with her feet!} and training takes time away from other things? Does Kristina hesitate to Tweet that her kids are in bed by seven and she and her husband have some much needed alone time? Does Lindsay feel awkward that she always looks gorgeous next to the other moms at school? Does Emily pause before posting about finally, finally having her depression under control because she knows there are other moms still struggling? Do you neglect to mention that you and your husband are going on a vacation alone and get to sleep in for a glorious week because your sister hasn’t been on a vacation in 5 years? Does the mom from school buying Lunchables shove them under all of the other items in her cart when she sees you?
Why are we even thinking about this shit?
Really, why?
I have friends who feel badly about giving up breast feeding early, about breastfeeding too long, about not being able to cook, about not being the stylish mom, and about being the mom that wants a break from her kids. I have friends who feel guilty about sending their child to daycare, about not having the money to send their kid to camp, about not being athletic enough to coach their child’s soccer team. I have friends who worry about not having a house out of Martha Stewart Living. I have friends who feel like the frumpy mom, the single mom, the working mom, the stay at home mom, the mom that wore the wrong thing, the disorganized mom, the helicopter mom, the type A mom, the young mom, the old mom, THAT mom.
I have friends that worry that they are the only ones who aren’t Super Mom.
No one is Super Mom.
Not you. Or you. Or even you. Certainly not me. We just have different priorities.
My husband would argue that maybe shaving my legs and slapping on a little lipstick could take precedence over printing and organizing 350 school year photos for the kids in Finn’s class.
But Davester, I’m NOT Super Mom!
You want to be a crunchy organic vegan mama championing the fight against GMOs? Do it. You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire so you can hire the best nanny money can buy? Step right ahead. You want to feed them takeout every night and spend that time playing with your kids? Go for it. You want to wear full makeup and heels on that field trip to the apple orchard? More power to you sister. You want to put those kids to bed at 7 pm every night and have some time to yourself? Rock on.
Just be a good parent, love your kids, and do the best that you can. Quit being a jackass to those who don’t share your choices.
More importantly, quit being a jackass to yourselves.
813 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 601 – 800 of 813 Newer› Newest»Hilarious! Sounds good to me!
Brilliant! An quit comparing us all to those "French moms"! They don't know shit, either!
I realized that I didn't need to compare myself to everyone on one particular day when I was feeling inadequate and a mom said to me "How to do you make it all look so easy? Your house is more put together than mine and you always look so great and you have more kids than me." That was my ah ha moment where I realized that we are all looking in a circle at the person next to us who is looking at the person next to them who is looking at me. I FINALLY, after 20 years began to feel good about who I am and where I was in life. And when I let out the secret that there are many, many times I lock myself in the bedroom closet to cry where no one can hear me other mothers began to tell me they do the same thing. We are not as bad as we think we are. Most everyone else sees us in a different way.
Hilarious! Sounds good to me!
You ROCK!!!! brought me to tears, its so true...
Hilarious! Sounds good to me!
Wonderful post. Thank you for saying what's needed to be said for a LONG TIME! We each make our own ideals and thank God mine isn't Vanilla Stepford Helicopter Mama Land.
I've had a bumper sticker in my desk drawer that says "beware the sleep deprived mom" for the past 5 years - not because I'm raising itty bitties, but because grad school is mercilessly kicking my ass & I keep going back for more ... sometimes it's good to be reminded that we're all different.
With all the recipes I see posted in Facebook, it is no wonder no one here is a size 12 much less a size 2. Healthy eating is a lifestyle.
Perfectly said, hope more mothers will read and think about how others are treated. I needed this as I have felt like I was not a very good mom lately because of working late and not seeing my kids much during the week. Thank you.
I really needed this. I was feeling all the things you said but didn't really know how to put it into words. I love doing pinteresty projects with and for my kids. I also love to wear makeup and do my hair and wear heels. Sometimes I feel very judged for those things. This hit the nail on the head. Thank you!
Anonymous, I may be completely wrong and misread this post, but this is what I understand: I think this post is about being the best parent you can be while keeping the health and well-being of your child a priority. She is encouraging parents to not judge other parents, or yourselves, if they don't seem to be living up to your standards of parenting. With that being said it is still about parenting. Its about what sacrifices you make to be happy so that you can have time to make your kids happy. "You want to feed them takeout every night and spend that time playing with your kids?" It's not about what can you can do for yourself so that you don't have to be with your kids. Everyone's idea of being a perfect parent is different. Some may feel it is more important to be a stay at home mom and that time is the most important factor. Some may feel that they need to be that CEO because money and being able to provide is the most important factor of parenting. We should not judge a parent for trying to be the best parent possible. But please remember its about parenting. I do not believe this post is meant to encourage parents to put their children in front of the TV in a neglectful manner. It is meant to say, it is alright to put your child in front of the TV (for a limited amount of time) in order to prepare dinner and remain sane so that you can enjoy your children for the remainder of the night. It's alright to sleep that extra 10 minutes, feed and clothe your child, and take them to school without wearing a bra yourself, as long as you are taking care of your child while doing what works best for you. It's alright to wake up 10 minutes early so that you can style your hair and apply make up while still having time to wake your child, feed them, and get them to school on time. Do what makes you feel good while still being a good Mom! So moms, please don't misread this post as an excuse to neglect your children. Please use this post to feel good about yourself and your daily struggles trying to be a good mom.
Bless your heart for saying what everyone thinks!
Wow Rebekah,
Do you realize that you are the "asshole" she is refering to in the article? My guess is probably, sadly not. Just wow!
you are hilarious and I totally agree!
BRAVO
THANK YOU FOR THIS AMAZING POST..
LOVE IT!! Thank you for this post.. no one is perfect :)
I was finding great strength in this post, so great in fact, I sent the link to several mommy friends before I finished reading it in its entirety. I found the theme of acceptance and non-judgment to resonate throughout until I came to the very last paragraph.
You want to be a crunchy organic vegan mama championing the fight against GMOs? Do it.
****You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire so you can hire the best nanny money can buy? Step right ahead. ****
You want to feed them takeout every night and spend that time playing with your kids? Go for it.
You want to wear full makeup and heels on that field trip to the apple orchard? More power to you sister.
You want to put those kids to bed at 7 pm every night and have some time to yourself? Rock on.
The crunchy mama is championing a cause. The takeout mama is doing it to create more quality time with her children. The fully coiffed mama is doing it just because. The presumably early to bed mama does it for much deserved and needed time for herself.
The ballsy CEO does it to hire the best nanny money can buy? This seems highly judgmental, completely contradictory to the intent of the well written piece. Why not: “You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire so …
you can demonstrate to your children how to create opportunity from education, drive and hard work
you can provide for them the things that money does afford that you did not have or did have, and valued
or maybe there is no ‘so’…maybe, “You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire? Step right ahead.”
There are infinite circumstances of why we do the things we do and why we choose to be the person we are or simply are the person we are.
I believe the message of acceptance and not passing judgment would have been better communicated if the crunchy mama, the takeout mama, the fully coiffed mama, the early to bed mama AND the ballsy CEO were encouraged and supported regardless of the WHY behind their choices.
This part at the end made me tear up a little because I am ahavign ahard time being ok with just being myself and not worryign what anybody else will think of me. "You want to be a crunchy organic vegan mama championing the fight against GMOs? Do it. You want to be the ballsy CEO of an empire so you can hire the best nanny money can buy? Step right ahead. You want to feed them takeout every night and spend that time playing with your kids? Go for it. You want to wear full makeup and heels on that field trip to the apple orchard? More power to you sister. You want to put those kids to bed at 7 pm every night and have some time to yourself? Rock on." Loved this. Thank you.
OMG THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. If I didn't know any better I would say I wrote this myself. I feel guilty because I don't know how to make grandma's empanadas or arepas or sancocho. I do the best that I can...I have to stop being so hard on myself...so what my kids sleep with us and are afraid of the dark and we don't have any ALONE TIME...we do the best that we can...I know I am not super mom...
I love reading people's blogs. Unfortunately, I didn't get very far with this one. Something stopped me, a specific word. Then I scanned the blog and noticed the same word repeated several times, then I stopped reading. I am not a prude yet I find it difficult to enjoy something when I believe that the writer could have used a different word and still been able to express themselves. :o(
Preach it sister! 99% I'm feeling so inadequate about this sort of stuff. No more!
haha. THAT was AWESOME. :) Thanks for making me laugh. Loved every bit.
-signed, the work at home mom that has a messy house and oh well. ;)
Anon,
Believe me, if I had realized that nearly half a million people would read this over just a few days, I would have checked every nuance and tone. OK, maybe I wouldn't have captured it all because I would still have told you all that there are mornings I'm not wearing a bra in the car-lane. I also would have corrected 'yourself' at the end rather than 'yourselves' so there is that too.
Please know, it's not at all the spirit in which it was written or intended. You know what is the spirit in which it was written?
This exactly:
"There are infinite circumstances of why we do the things we do and why we choose to be the person we are or simply are the person we are."
Thank you for getting your point {one I unequivocally and completely agree with} across so eloquently.
Love this. I'm feeling like the frumpy, disorganized mom today. We just moved though and I can't find my clothes.
Absolutely amazing!!! You are an outstanding woman/mom!
AMAZING!!!! LOVE STRONG WOMAN AND MOMS THAT KNOW WHO THEY ARE!!!
This made me seriously laugh out loud. I've so been there!
I think you just became my new best friend and my therapist. Rock on, sister.
This made me seriously laugh out loud. I've so been there!
HAHAHHAAAA!!
This is great. :)Thanks for this post!
I'm the mom who stays at home and babysits and teaches my son to read at age 4 and exercises a lot. I love to read and hike and walk barefoot. I'm a really great actress and I put on a good show in public. But on the other hand I'm depressed, my house is a mess and I only get dressed when people are coming over or I have to go out.
It's funny, when I first moved to my apartment all the people at my church thought I was this put together, outgoing, happy person because I always put in an effort to dress up and speak up at church and when they did come to visit me I spent several hours making my house look perfect. They had no idea that I actually don't dress up any other day of the week and I actually have pretty severe social anxiety (hence the reason we never hang out outside of church) and that the back rooms were a mess because that's where I haphazardly shoved all the junk from the living room.
We really ought to stop judging others (and ourselves) and comparing our talents to others. All that matters is that we are trying to do our best and that we love our children and show them that love.
Thank you for writing this! Parenting would be so much easier if everyone would support others who are doing their best, instead of putting them down for never doing "enough".
I love, Love, LOVE what you wrote! I completely agree with what you said. I know I can be judgmental at times...mostly out of irritation, but sometimes cuz of a little bit of jealousy too. I do think we all should take time to think before we open our mouths or outright verbally/mentally bash ourselves. We're all just trying to do the best we can. There's a saying that someone told me a long time ago that I think applies: "A good parent is one that always thinks they're doing it wrong."
no one should ever buy lunchables.
I love this, so inspirational. You have inspired me to motivate those around me who struggle with this same dilemma! Thank you!
-Mary Ellen Smith
Founder of CreativeMes Designs
You are awesome!! Thank you so much for this post, not that I won't still continue to strive to be "super" mom, but it does help to know others feel the same way and maybe I can learn to accept the fact that my priorities are different and that's ok. It's OK to be OK!! As Theodore Roosevelt so eloquently stated, "Comparison is the thief of joy". May you find your joy and not have the desire to compare it!
Thank you! I needed this! I am a mom of 3 and every day presents its own challenge! We all have to remember that we are doing our best and that IS good enough!!! We aren't supermoms, but we are all great, influential, doing our best moms!
YES! I have always ALWAYS held the women's movement was about women have choices and rights. WE ALL NEED TO RESPECT AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER'S CHOICES! JEEZ. Bravo Mama!
Im dying over this!!! pizza from the carpet!
Where in the hell did this come from? Did you even read the article? Have a glass of wine and re-read.
QUIT worrying about other people's priorities. Worry about yourself. If this is what you want fro your children, then so be it! Youre the exact type of mom she's referring to, BTW. No one asked for a challenge to go deeper on the evaluative thinking. Just read it and laugh for crying out loud!
Wow. There are some hateful people around here aren't there? I already posted a comment, but after reading through some of the things people have to say I felt I must for one, stand up for this woman, and two, try and understand wtf is wrong with some people!
@Anonymous that said quote "My Mom WAS a supermom! Women are lazy today. We have technology that should simplify our lives and give us more time, yet it seems no one can keep their house clean, prepare healthy meals or attend to their children appropriately. Pathetic!". Let me begin by assuming you made breakfast for everyone, got your Autistic 3 year old fed, washed up and dressed, your older kids are in school right now, their beds are made, you've cleaned the kitchen and are now scoping around the internet while your 4 year old son gets tended to and you're heading out the door to take them to where they need to be while earlier having had the time (because you said yourself that technology allows us time so I'd assume you stuck an iPhone in their hands while you got dressed and ready yourself) and you plan on picking up groceries, cooking lunch, finishing laundry, finding your 9 year old's Finn hat he lost, took the dogs to the vet, picked up dog shit in your back yard, tended to your older two when they got home from school, drove them to where they needed to be, cooked dinner for your family, cleaned up the house, shaved your legs for your husband and got everyone to bed, all without help from your mother or daycare.
@the person that said this person needs to shave her legs or she'll lose her husband, how dare you, you ignorant fool. Her husband loves her like crazy, he knows how happy it makes her feel when she can get the time to take care of herself and he most likely wants her to be happy. He probably looks at her like she is super mom and feels sorry for her not having any "me" time which for us ladies may include a good shave! Perhaps you should stop and think not everyone is like your husband who would run off on you if you forget to shave your twat.
And third, there was one other commented earlier that was a total asshole. Yes the post is somewhat about beauty, clothes, fashion stuff. The very definition of Super Mom includes rearing your kids the "right way" (and there is no one right way because kids are all different, have different needs, and need to be directed differently), keeping a clean house (no really, I mean spotless and organized) tending to your husband, cooking meals and running errands All WHILE (gasp) wearing clean clothes, brushed hair and being preened yourself.
Standing up in my office chair a work and screaming "THANK YOU"! After that is just reading a post from a friend about how "amazing she is at being a stay at home mom who homeschools" and that basically if you aren't like her you suck! Thank you. I am an asshole to myself becasue I feel bad that I work. I support our whole family husband and 3 kids and I am good at my job! It's ok to excell or not just be YOU! Your kids will get so much more out of the REAL you! Thank you thank you thank you!
Love this! It's so true! Thanks for sharing!
Britney @ The Princess & Her Cowboys
I really don't like that you cuss so much. On the other hand, you make up for it with complete genius in the parenting field. Thus I will forgive you this once. We make ourselves crazy feeling guilty. And about what? Self sabotage strikes again! Thank you for your wholesome, honest words. I've taken them deep into my heart.
I don't know why, but this totally makes me cry.
Magically, if the kids are loved, they usually end up turning out fine.
Amen!
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Wow, insecure much? When did she ever say that women who look "put together" are bad? You missed the entire point of the article, well done.
Amen, sister!
Not to mention the fact that it's ridiculous to suggest that as women, we are required to look perfectly made up all the time in order to have "self-respect." If you are a person that wants to look put together all the time, awesome! Seriously, good for you and I'm glad that is how you feel good about yourself. But that doesn't mean that everyone has to care about the same things you do. Some women just don't care that they don't look like Halle Berry, and that's okay.
Agree. You missed the point!
Where's the love button for this!?!?!?
I really needed this today. Thank you for giving me a little 'pick me up.'
Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
Thank you for this.
This is absolutely perfect! Thank you!
Yes, yes and yes! Add homeschooling to the list of things to be judged for. I am a bad mom for sending my kids to a godless public school, and needing that time away from them. Also, I am THAT mom who does throw amazing parties, decorates the hell out of a holiday, and has finished tons of pinterest projects, and I'm sick and tired of being made to feel guilty about it! We are all good moms in different ways!
Yay - love this! Thanks for keeping things in check for us all:)
Love this reply we might not all be perfect but my family thinks im supermom. Even on the days when the laundry pile has gotten 4 ft high, there is a booger in my hair and dinner is whatever they can find/make themselves because mommy fell asleep on the couch again.
Thanks for this post! We need to apply this same logic to all women, moms or not. We give women a hard time for having kids, we give women a hard time for not having kids. We internalize the misogyny we're surrounded with and it's time to be gentler with ourselves and others.
I'm not a mom and probably never will be... but AMEN to this. I have a lot of friend's who are mom's that stress about these exact same things and it drives me crazy because they are ALL GOOD MOMS. ☺ Great post.
Haven't read all the posts, but I must say that most of it is so right on. I must say though, sound off all you want, but ultimately the only person in your life you answer to is YOU. If you love yourself and who you are, damn the rest, just be YOU. There is no other YOU and never will be. Be damn proud of that because YOU might be the only one who is. LOVE the ONE YOUR WITH; there is so much meaning to that phrase, but I'm sure those who do have already figured that out. To all the ladies, I so wish men had the capacity to think as you do. We would have no wars, no starving children and we all could walk braless anytime, anywhere.
Well said, thank you so much for saying what I feel so many of us are thinking and feeling!
LOVED your post...we all have different gifts/talents/priorities...LOVED your last line, LOVE your kids and do the BEST YOU can...
Right on!! Why are we so hard on ourselves and sometimes others. This is so so so valid and awesome!
I'm not a mom and I can still relate to this :) It definitely made me smile, thanks
LOL, will you be my new best friend?
differences....it's what makes the world go round. We are all De Colores :)
I went from a 24 to a 10 and trust me....problems r still there. Enjoy yourself for who you are and where you are right now :)
I want to thank you...this is what I have felt like for years!!! I am me, and my daughter loves me and "gets" me. My husband is okay with my "few extra pounds". I love that I do it my own way, and try my hardest to honor all the others who do it their way. I am proud to be me, and I don't care what others think. And by the way, I too suffer from "big" hair problems....darn that rain!
LOVED this!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!
I want you to be my new BFF!
Thank you for posting what I have believed for YEARS!!!
Laughing. Crying. Rockin on. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Thanks. I am so glad I just discovered your blog! It reminds me of a quote I heard once, 'there's as many different ways to be a woman as there are women.' It's stuck with me. have a good day!
I like this, except for this part:
Do I make my single parent friends upset when I talk about an awful day that I’ve had when Dave is travelling for work and I don’t have a break? Do they think parenting is a breeze when there are two of us here? {Because it isn’t. Not even a little bit.}
Unless you have a total deadbeat spouse who doesn't work and doesn't lift a finger, then YES it's easier with two parents. Not necessarily a "breeze" but yeah. It's easier. And I think pretty much any single mom would agree.
Other than that, rock on.
Best. Post. Ever. Thanks so much for this! I wish I could have a beer with you one day - you sound like a riot!!!
You go mom. My friend sent me the link to your blog and OMG you hit it on the spot. I am a single mom of a 11 year old boy and it is not easy. I feel bad when I can't do things with my son, keeping me looking stylish and being social with friends. You made me realize not to feel bad because it is ok. Thank you.
I call these first world mom problems! Parties, Pictures, Clothes, organic vs junk food, etc. A majority of the rest of the world's population would love to have these problems.
You speak the gospel - thank you.
I read what you had to say. I didn't like the swearing, which is childish and unbecoming of a woman and a Mom. That being said, I am the widowed Mom of two who are now almost 18 and the other is 20. As a Mom we all have our challenges. My being 54 years old and widowed I may have a few more then others. I've seen and heard it all. I've been the Mom who put on the amazing birthday parties no one would miss, ( some people even took off of work to be there), I was one of the ones making 100 cupcakes late at night to make sure they were perfectly fresh, I sewed costumes, painted and decorated the house, bought the gifts, had the dinner parties, was a size 2 maybe when I was 2. What you wrote ( without the swearing) was something any good Mommy could write. Which just shows we all know what we know, a good Mother comes in all shapes and sizes, and colors, and situations and backgrounds. The one thing that pulls us all together is the love for our children and our families. That Love is what makes it all happen....even being able to tolerate that big baby spit up that duns down your back or the diaper explosion on our favorite dress :D
From a father, who sent this to all the moms I know.
...I had a friend tell me early before I had my first child...
"There is no right or wrong way to raise a child, only YOUR way and everybody else's"...
I applaud you.
Oh thank you mama for sharing your voice about the diversity in parenting and emphasizing loving is universal. Loving is a priority including loving ourselves. Grateful for the TLC all parents shared.
First time reader and absolutely LOVED this blog :) Sooooo true and i will not try to figure out how you had the time to actually put those words together, type them, and then be able to post it to share with everyone and wonder why i can't! All because right now I am too busy reading it for 5 minutes while my 2 daughters and niece climb all over me! ;) lol
Awesome post! Must share. It's crazy that we fall into the trap of doing this to ourselves.
This is wonderful. Taking "sides" is just silly in regards to this refreshing post. The point is - you don't have to be EVERYTHING. A mother does not have to compete. The goal is a happy, safe and loving child and a sane mother. Support and nuture other Moms in their efforts. Or...feel free to list all your accomplishments here and we will all applaud!!
Sounds wonderful! :) :) :)
I'm the 7PM bedtime Mom. My husband doesn't get it but he's gone working all day 6 days a week and as much as my kids are my life lets be honest when you have kids, especially 3 under 5 then its exhausting spending all day with them. I also also homeschooling my oldest. I need that little relaxation time before doing some basic cleaning and heading to bed.
AMEN, love, love, love this!
I could not be more thankful that a dear friend (a childless bachelor no less) sent this to me. I'm in an ugly place right now, struggling with an acute episode of lifelong depression and feeling like a piece of shit in general. Thank you for reminding me that I don't have to be perfect...We are all Supermoms in our own ways.
yes. and thank you.
Thank You!!! Im weeping and LOVING you right now. I need to wear this post as a badge
Love, love, love, girl! You Rock! I not only have three kids, but two grandkids, and what you say is TRUE! Life gives us all different hands, and we are NEVER perfect. All we can do is the very best we can do. And, there are some days when we fall short of that.
I loved your post, girl. I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job at being a mom. There are no perfect rules, no perfect ways, no perfect families. As long as your family is as healthy as you can manage, your kids know how much you love them, and you are the example of what you want your children to be, you are golden!!! :)
as a mom who drove my kids to the bus stop in my jammies and bathrobe many, many times, I hear ya!! <3
Really? There are literally hundreds of favorable responses here and the few that were not clearly missed the boat...
I don't know you, but I love you! Clearly by the comments the majority of the world is with you..I think people spend so much time worrying about what others think, they are afraid to enjoy what they have, and be happy. The handful of comments from those who didn't get it must have seen themselves in something posted. But I do think you have one thing wrong..you are super woman!
I don't know you, but I love you! Clearly by the comments the majority of the world is with you..I think people spend so much time worrying about what others think, they are afraid to enjoy what they have, and be happy. The handful of comments from those who didn't get it must have seen themselves in something posted. But I do think you have one thing wrong..you are super woman!
Great post. I'm really shocked about the haters. It sounds like they didn't really get the message. We should all celebrate each others strengths and stop hating when others have different priorities. I'm a mom who used to run marathons and now my priorities have changed and I run a half or a 10K because the training time is less. That doesn't make me lazy. If I decided to hire a babysitter and get back into marathons that doesn't make me a bad mom either. It's all about priorities people! Be the best parent you can be! And don't be a hater. It'll teach your children to be unhappy and uber critical too!
Fabulous!! So many moms compare themselves to others and we all have our own strengths .. and weaknesses. Gotta own them all :)
xo,
Gabby @ thelocalhoney.com
Thank you for your post. Today I got put down as a bad step-mom from a person who has NO ROOM TO TALK! I take things away when needed from our kids, I may make them sandwiches every darn night during baseball season with 3 kids playing 8 or more games in 5 nights while working full time and lugging the 4th boy around who just wants to stay home and play.
Thank you... I do the best I can and try to teach along the way and love and spend time with our kids! You ROCK!!!
Well I was the home school mom with full blown out make-up! All I need to say is enjoy whatever mom you are cuz the years go by too fast! My little boy is now 23 and I am very proud of the young man he is! Sooo bottom line is enjoy your children not the mom you are!!!
I LOVE YOU! I have kids with serious food allergies and intolerances; so much of my attention is diverted to, you know, keeping them alive, that I have purposefully DROPPED worrying about all the inconsequential crap about motherhood. Thanks for reminding the rest of the moms out there to take a load off and do the best they can...it's all any of us can ever do. YOU ROCK!!!
You are super mom for getting it.
You are not alone in your thinking, Rebekah Johnson, although we are in a minority of "moms" who are not martyred, self-canonized and supremely spa-deprived, because we are merely responsible, mature adults. The need for a cheer-leading squad for "Non-Super-Moms" is astoundingly self- and societally- indulgent. This is the first and last time I have ever looked at a "Mommy Feel Good" thing on the Internet; a relative asked me to "like" it. Not a chance. Get a grip, Mommies, your great + grandmothers, and mothers galore around the globe haven't a nano-second or i-pad for this frivolity. Get up (whenever needed), get dressed (be ready for whatever is needed) and do whatever is the right, best thing. Then, do it again and again . . . and realize it's normal not heroic, and that we are capable to handle challenges - for 18 years per customer. Keep the Faith. Get a grip. Keep it simple. Stay calm. Carry on. Repeat, often and always.
Omg luv this comment glad to know Im not the only one lol
I like it. Thank you. 8 days a mom
LOVE this and relate to so many points you bring up. I used to compare myself to others (and often think I didn't stack up), feel guilty about sending our first (of 3) children to daycare, feel guilty about working, worry that my house was not pretty enough, clean enough, etc. I was a helicopter parent to our first (who is now 18) and said yes to every volunteering opportunity because I truly wanted to do it all (and have it all). I still work, but my job is somewhat flexible. I am able to attend most sporting events, but no longer feel guilty about missing some from time to time. I do run half marathons and do triathlons (my stress relief), but will not allow my training to take time away from my family (easier to do now that my children are teens and sleep most of the morning!). I have learned to give myself a break because I know that no matter how perfect someone else's life may look, it isn't and mine doesn't need to be either. My family doesn't need perfect, they just need ME. How liberating! We are all in the same boat and need to learn how to help each other navigate.
Thank you for saying what so many feel but are afraid to say!
My family had friends whose house belonged in a magazine. 2 kids, no pets, always clean clothes & faces.
My house?
4 kids plus at least 1 friend for each, enough animals to qualify as a zoo,(from horses to ferrets - each child had their own bird as a personal friend) with the chores that went with them, dirty clothes & faces until a bath before bed... & did I mention?... not a house that belonged in a magazine.
This always ate at me. No matter how hard I tried I could not even begin to get my house to look anything like theirs. Theirs was new for a start. Mine was old. It looked old & worn, which in turn made it look.... not clean. Old floors, old window sills (they caused the most anguish - always looked dirty)
One day at our supper table.... one of these 2 children made a comment that changed my world. Changed my entire outlook on my life... on the torture I'd been causing myself about not being able to make my house look as I thought it should look.
In between mouthfuls he said, "I love coming here. I love all the animals. We aren't allowed to have any because they'd get the house dirty. I love playing outside here. We aren't allowed outside because we'd bring dirt into the house."
I think I almost choked on my food for a second there. I composed myself & then a wonderful realization came over me.
NEVER.
Never would I want to trade my lifestyle for a "magazine house".
Suddenly I could see that an old house is never going to look like a brand new house.
Suddenly I saw that a loud, not often spic & span house full of well behaved kids having wholesome fun, outside in the woods with dogs & horses, or inside playing the piano, flute, saxophone & singing loud funny songs or just playing a wild & crazy.. & loud game of cards,... was exactly what I wanted :)
Awesome. Thanks for posting this.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm with you!
This is FUCKING AWESOME!!!!! That is all. :)
I burst in to tears reading this, I guess this is something I needed to hear. Thank you
I love this post, although I would disagree, clearly we are all SUPERMOMS.
While that may have been the case in one house, I don't think that just because you have a magazine worthy house that it means that there is less love or it means that house is as strict or that there are no pets. I think that is making an assumption that is unfair. I have plenty of friends that have gorgeous houses and just have the talent of being super organized. Though I am glad that it made you see all of the amazing things in your own life to be proud of.
This made me cry. THANK you for bringing awareness to the bitch side of us that being a mom can bring out. SO many moms need to read this. I will be posting this all over.
This is sooooooo true. We need to stop judging each other and support each other instead. At the end if the day, we are all fabulous moms trying our best and that's enough.
Awesome post Stephanie - that would be ne in the a.m., as well...but, I could clean up nicely, when had too, haha. Priorities!!
wow that was amazing. so good. thankyou! i'm sending this to all of my sisters! thankyou
Wow, amazing job you're doing "SuperMom"... I'm glad you are comfortable with your state of perfection, as I am equally happy with my perfectly imperfect life as well.
Thank you.
Hahaha, yes.
ITA with you. I get the point of the post stop comparing your mothering skills to someone else's. However like you said what does heels or makeup have to do with being a super mom? Nothing. No judgement on the blogger.. i enjoyed reading the post but I can see your point too.
you missed the point of the post she was saying no matter what type of mother be it the type you are or the unorganized take out stay at home mom your doing great as long as your kids are healthy and taken care of .... the whole post went right over your head
AMEN AND HALLELUJAH
Everyone should be proud of their accomplishments, and their children. Don't judge me for my tidy house and I won't judge you for your not so tidy house. Don't apologize about your not so tidy house, hey you have kids! I only care that you care to invite me over and you are my friend. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world and the most rewarding as far as I am concerned. Working full or part time and being a Mother too boot is even harder. You all deserve the Medal of Honour!
Thank you. I needed to hear this SO MUCH right now. All the moms I know need to hear this right now. Sometimes (a LOT of the time) the best we can do is the best we can do. As long as we're trying to do what we can and loving our kids, we're doing it right. I need to remind myself of that a LOT, but it always helps so much to hear it from other moms, too.
Patience is a virtue!
Love it!
I've been bashed because I choose to make all my baby's food, I make Halloween costumes, I cloth diaper, and I wear my baby everywhere. I'm also trying get in shape and healthy....two kids man my body is not what it was. All of those things are important to me and I shouldn't be punished for it.
What an amazing and thought-provoking post! I am also a health/wellness blogger and mommy and I was wondering how you would feel about me re-blogging this on my site (with full credit and link back to you of course ; )
Let me know!
I agree. The only way we can be effective, loving to others and ourselves is to start from what WE are good at. Limit your time and exposure to what you're not. Be happy, whole and the best you can be. I'm sure you are a great mom!
I don't have kids but this reminded me of my own parents who are so awesome. Made me smile! This was sunshine! :)
Absolutely love this! You rock!
but my dear THAT IS TH\E SUPER MOM--well done
Awesome...I will always remember the day my daughter told me that I was the beat mommy ever as I put mixmatched socks on her for school. I felt guilty I didn't match her socks but you know what they were clean and so was she. She thinks I'm a rockstar why should I tell her any different?
Lovely thoughts! Be the mom your kids need, not the mom someone else's fantasy says you should be. Lead with the love you feel for your kids tailored to needs of your actual family. Show them how to be people who don't compromise their own integrity for a stereotype or fantasy that never ever had a chance of fitting everyone in every situation. Be a real mom and support the rights of all moms to be individuals. Raise your children. Don't process them. Kids won't be true to themselves if no one shows them how to .
Michelle,
Awesome post!! I was able and fortunate to stay home with my kids...now Sr, Jr. and 8th grade. You name it, we did it. I was always involved it he school I fact I think I was room mother for all three kids classes one year becaue no one would step up and help..Attended every field trip and school events. Wouldn't change it for the world. We had play groups, I taugt CCD, had a Girl Scout troop for four years...yo get the poing...involved in everything.
7 years ago I had the rung pulled out from me and got a divorce...it was like death! shocking! I was always one of those people who said...come on she had to know!! Not true..you could have knocked me over with a feather.
I had to sell my home which was very traumatic for the kids, they were 10 , 8 and 5. New schools, new activities, new friends. I wanted to be home with my kids til they went away to college!
Some one make a comment on here that they are like a single parent on here because their husband travels so much or is always working.
You have no FUCKING (SORRY) Idea that is completely untrue....try walking a mile in single parent's shoes's..Most importantly we don't have your husband's income and money isn't everything but your not sure if you can pat the electric bill this month it because very stressfull..maybe you don't have to worry about the electric bill this month but perphaps if you can fill up the boat with gas this week to go boating.
We have no one to back us up with our rules and discipline...can't say...wait til you father gets home and someone to snuggle with at the end of the day to go over the kids needs, activites, etc.
So all I can say is I am very happy for you and hope continue to go well with your partner.
I am working full time my career is going awesome able to support my kids and my self on my own....
I will leave you with this quote: should things change of anybody else reading this..
DIVORCE IS EXPENSIVE..BUT FREEDOM IS PRICELESS!!
Best,
Karen
thank you so much for your time and energy spent on this. I am doing a project for my women and gender studies class about motherhood and I will be sharing your blog with my class.
It's so refreshing to see that there are other moms out there that are just like me. There's not one day that goes by that I'm not feeling guilty or not good enough about some aspect of my mothering skills, I'm gonna print this post and keep it handy for when I'm having one of those moments. Thank you Michelle!!!
Oh, and Rebekah J, this isn't a post to brag about your super mom powers. It must have made you feel amazing to put all the rest of us down. Good for you! And yeah, I'm sure being a mom is an excuse to not put on make up and do our hair, everybody knows we moms love to look our worst and not improve in any aspect of our lives. You nailed it!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! Encore!! This was well said and every mom should read it!
well said. women need to bond together, respect each others differences and celebrate our successes together without being petty and beating ourselves up. we can be different and be great. thanks
Awesomely written! Thank you! I Love Truth <3 Bless you for sharing this blog! You Rock!
As a blogger myself I have to say I love this post! So many of us worry how others see us, especially us mothers! I raised my own 5 and now have my grandson living with me. These days I truly wonder how I ever did it with 5...this one drives me nuts some days! I am definitely sharing your post and adding you to my 'mom's to follow' list! What a hero to the rest of us mothers and grandmothers! Someone that actually is willing to admit we are NOT supermom's/supergrandma's!
Great post! I'm a stay at home mom, and get down on my self sometimes for not doing more, cleaning more, etc., but I try to keep my kids happy and husband sane. Nice to hear that other moms aren't always perfect like the way it seems with the PTA moms.
Read this today with my 17 year old daughter. You made us both cry with your badass kindness, & I mean that in the best way. Thank you.
Awesome. Thank you for this!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!! It is so true! :)
Brandi
youre amazing!! I think Ill stop being a jackass altogether! LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!
Yeah I just really want to be in your circle of friends after reading that! Sounds like you are doing a great job as a mom, keep it up.
Good for you! If you have a happy household, that's wonderful.
I didn't find the post to be about making excuses, but more about appreciating our strong suits and recognizing that at the end of the day, that happy household is what's really important. But then again, there's absolutely no science behind what I'm saying.
Did the author ever imply that any of these moms have a 'lack of love' for their children? I felt her point was more that all of these moms, regardless of their style, have a lot of love for their children! As a new mom to a sweet three month old girl, this was a refreshing and honest post about parenting.
Do you think perhaps you did miss the point of this post and have become "so defensive and annoying about parenting" ?
Just stumbled overe here and you know how I know you're a great writer? I'm 25 single and not a mom.....this still resonates with me. We've gotta stop caring so much what other people think, stop comparing ourselves to others, and stop beating ourselves up. You're so right. Thank you for this.
I cried when I read this. Thank you, and rock on to you, too!
Sara, don't spend too much time on Pinterest.... it will seriously make you feel inadequate :) At least you tried! (says the mom of a toddler who has lots of pins but little time to undertake those project ideas)
I echo your sentiments exactly. Every mom, or every person for that matte is doing the best they can with they've been given. Let's love and understand more and condemn and judge less
I echo your sentiments exactly. Every mom, or every person for that matter, is trying to do the best they can with what God gave them. Let us judge and condemn less and love and understand more!!
amen for real
SHIIIIT. A-MEN. IT'S NOT A COMPEITION - IT'S PARENTING.
I betcha all these moms will judge the hell out of a woman who has chosen not to have kids and has an amazing relationship with her husband and has not regrets about not having kids...I call bullshit...there is judgment wrapped all up in that speech
Not even a little bit. Everyone has to make their own decision on kids, is so intensely personal. All three of my closest friends don't have children, by choice.
I am printing this and hanging it on my bathroom wall!!!! Thank you =)
We just bonded. :)
THANK YOU!!!!!
I am not a mom, but I do appreciate seeing this. We judge EVERYONE way too much. Thank you for walking the walk. Keep up the good fight on keeping it real!
I am a grandmother now, and have looked back on what it was like to be a younger mother; and now, an older mother. I will always love my children no matter how old they become. The wisdom I can share is stop hurting each other. This letter sums it up. Celebrate US! Be good to YOU! SISTERHOOD is more important than ridiculing, shaming, one-upping, belittling, gossiping. Why do women put other women down? Is your self-esteem so low? I have never taken any pride in gossiping and being two-sided. I comment then walk away because I don't get anything out of hurting another human being! Enjoy your children, take time to listen, boost their self-esteem, let them have failure to learn from. Most importantly love them unconditionally and have a sense of humor.
So well written and true!
Thank you so much I really needed this!!!
Perhaps you should repost this annually as a reminder.
Amen, Sister!!! I am a full time DoD employee, working on my Masters Degree at night, trying to be a good wife and awesome mom. I'm the "band mom", the "frantic mom", the "weird, crazy mom", and the "yep, I have sasquatch legs today mom", the "yep, I'm size 22, so kiss my ass mom", the "my man thinks I'm awesome mom". And I wouldn't change one bit of it!!! I'm not super mom, and I don't want to be!
This made me cry, laugh, sigh, and say YES YES YES YES over and over again. How true is this post!
Love this. Thank you for the honest truth!
Love your reply! My baby girl didn't have a theme either! ;-)
love it.
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I am not a mum yet but I am totally for "be You" slogan, we have too may things to compete in this world, and if we give into those ignoring who "we" are really, then hell breaks loose... I mean the best way to be comfortable is to be YOU... unfortunately not many people understand this...
Want to write a big pity-party blog. You go girl.
A-effing-MEN!
From an SAHD.
Amen Sister!!
This is great! I am a new single mom. ...I just adopted two of my cousins' kids out of foster care. I bought a house, traded in my convertible for a mini van, started a home daycare so I can be here for the kids , all while going to college & while dealing with a 14 yr headache that never goes away & I have been feeling like such a failure because it's so hard keeping the house clean with 6 munchkins running around and I don't do my hair, it's always up in a pony tail and I don't wear makeup, and I can't volunteer to do things at my kids school because I can't drag 4 daycare kids with me, and I can't afford to let the kids do dance and soccer...... when I see the other moms that look amazing with hair done makeup on, ect... makes me feel like I need to try harder, so thanks for this!
I'm not a mom but this post still almost had me in tears. I constantly compare myself to other women, teachers, people and it is HARD. Why do we do it?! Thank you for this reminder to stop being a jackass to myself :)
AWE-some! I love that hating our own jackass guilty and jealous thoughts is so UN- Fn-acceptable to so many other women! Now if we could just follow thru .... 😉
Ah...... just stumbled onto your post and THANK YOU, because today I am the mom who went to the grocery/liquor store to get a bottle of wine for after the kids went to bed, intending to drink the whole thing, only to realize that it is Sunday, which, in MN means that I can't buy ANY alcohol except in a restaurant. Since I did not have any desire to go out, I picked up soda and ice cream and we all had floats. And that is actually good enough.
Thanks for this! I just adopted two of my cousin's kids out of foster care.....I went from being a live-in nanny to buying a home, trading my convertible for a mini van, and starting a home daycare so I could be here for the kids, all while dealing with a 14 yr headache that never goes away and attending college. With 3-6 kiddos at my home at any given time it quite typically looks like a mini tornado just blew through. I keep my hair up because if I don't the babies pull on it....I don't bother wearing makeup.....and when I take my kids to school or pick them up it seems like all the other moms just stepped out of a magazine! I've been feeling like I'm not trying hard enough....I can't volunteer in my child's classroom or accompany them on field trips.....I am trying though and I'm doing all these things to give these kids a good life and I'm doing it on my own....I just have to remember that's enough....
OMG it's just taken me about a year to get to this comment box but I so wanted to say what a great little kick up the a** for us all. So blunt, so to the point and so worthy of all these comments. Loved it!!!
YAY!!!! :D thank you!! If I wasnt at work reading this, I would be standing up clapping for you!! <3 it!! :D
Wow !!! Just what I needed to hear. As long as you love your kids to bits nothing else matters.
Just found you today, from FB. Love you. So true. Thank you.
Love this post and the comments (except for Rebekah Johnson's, which came across as somewhat self-righteous). Thank you for the reminder that moms can't be perfect in all areas, and that it is okay to be exceptional in some areas and good-enough in others.
Tears!! You sound like a wonderful person to have in one's life :)
Wow, This is amazing! Thank you so much for making my day a little brighter!
I love you (even though I don't even know you)! Thank you for writing this.
MisadventuresinMotherhood
I totally fell in love with this post! Seriously we as moms need to remember we are not perfect but we are perfect for our families <3 thank you so much for sharing this!!!
Dear Rebekah,
It is clear that you don't agree with this article. There is no need to continue to comment at this point. Also, in your haste to show how organized, fiscally responsible, and physically fit you are, you misspelled several words and continue to use mom's in the possessive when your clearly intend the plural (moms). This ends up proving the point of the article - no one is perfect. Who are you to judge?
Yes, yes - I realize I just judged you! But lucky for me I know that no one is perfect and won't be holding it against you.
Love this
The only thing I can say is love them every chance you get. Then be prepared to live without them. They aren't as accessible to hug when they grow up. Keep an eye on what you will do when the bottom drops out of being Mommy. Dream of your future dreams.
You aren't kidding! I posted about competition (touching on judgement) recently myself here: http://ivysvariety.blogspot.com/2013/09/mommy-rule-9-competition.html. This is a real problem. Sure, I have my opinions, but my ultimate belief is that we have to accept that everyone will pay the price or reap the rewards for their decisions in raising their children. Judging other moms doesn't help.
You know where your opinions matter? When your friend is SEEKING advice or alternatives. Doesn't mean you know what's right, but you can at least explain what worked for you and it's up to them to determine if it works for them too.
Get off your high horses moms .... you are only an expert at YOUR CHILDREN.
At first I thought you were going to cheer me on while *I* ate a muffin and I really wanted to be your friend. Then I re-read it and I still wanted to be your friend!! For the record, I make really cool birthday cakes for my kids' birthday parties, but I only clean the cat box one in a while and I rarely vacuum.
that's because women are HORRIBLE to other women, We are the ones responsible for making each other feel all these ways mentioned. But we can put a stop to it...
Exactement!
what a sad person you must be.
Yeah, that's true. It's good to hear several points of view. I'm guessing since you started out by saying you didn't care for her post it sounded like an attack on the whole idea of the post, but the labeling doesn't help in any case.
I don't think she meant to offend moms who look nice at the drop-off with her post. It's hard to communicate the point of not making comparisons without first including a few comparisons.
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