It is weird to find out that people read your blog.
When someone mentions it in person, I kind of get that uncomfortable, sixth grade feeling that screams SOCIALLY AWKWARD. I have zero idea why this happens. This is pretty much akin to my online home and I’m having you all over to drink coffee and stay in your pajamas all day.
I’m proud of it.
I just don’t want to talk about it.
It’s like Fight Club.
A million years ago, I wrote a post about how we conceived Finnegan using Clomid. My mother in law mentioned something to Dave about that post and I walked around for two days flabbergasted that she read my blog. Like flat on the floor stupefied. I didn’t even know she knew that I had a blog. There were lots of “Oh my God, your mother reads my blog,” comments from me and nervous laughter from Dave. I’m sure she loves when I talk about our sex life.
Recently, Emily {who has her own delicious blog filled with great recipes called Jelly Toast} emailed me. Our husbands went to high school together and her sister’s sister-in-law {I know, figure that one out…} is my friend from high school. Ah, so I knew who she was, but I didn’t know her. She wrote me the sweetest email saying that she has made the Chocolate Covered Sea Salt Oreos and that she likes reading and that she hoped it wasn’t weird that she was saying so, and introducing herself like that. Now I make fun of her and we’re Facebook friends and she has my cell number to stalk me whenever she’d like. {Seriously go read her blog.}
Dave mentioned that every once in awhile his friends from work will read a post and it kind of threw me for a loop. I’m pretty sure they think we live in a total crazy house of made up words and more swearing than is humanly possible. OK, all of those things are true. And maybe Dave doesn’t want people he works with to realize that his wife is a whackadoo. Too late. Blogger.
A couple weeks ago, I was at school pick up and my friend’s husband mentioned my blog. He was being really nice about it and just making conversation. The exchange was kind of like, “So, I’ve read some of your blog posts, do you just write about your life?” and then I tried to explain it as best I could… No, Ryan, I have no idea why all these people read about my goofy ass daily stuff. They must be lunatics.
Shut up, you know you are.
Here it is, I think… Yes, I am totally open about the fact that I blog, it’s just that from behind the computer screen it feels like an abstract concept. Fifty thousand page views doesn’t feel like friends from high school or grade school, or that ex-boyfriend, or my aunt, or my besties. It certainly doesn’t feel like that friend of a friend that I just met five minutes ago who is going to mention that she reads while I am totally caught off guard introducing myself.
I write a lot for me… I know that sounds like total bullshit because really it is. I totally hate when people say, “I write for me.” I mean, I don’t journal privately, I share it with all of you, so really, it’s not just for me. But, most of the time I feel like it is.
Duh.
What I mean is, I see the numbers, I get it that people read, but in my head I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to myself.
Like a crazy person.
Happy Thursday, you will NOT believe where I am spending my evening tonight, I can’t wait to tell you all tomorrow.
Am I the only one that is a freak about this whole blogging thing?
I do sometimes still get a little embarrassed when people in real life say they read my blog, but mostly just because I don't hold back AT ALL.
ReplyDeleteBut like FB and other "social media" I feel like it gives us something to talk about, a segway into what is going on in my life so we can cut out all the uncomfortable chatter.
So instead of having a conversation about the weather, we talk about the bathroom radiator I just bought.
I totally get this. I'm alway shocked when someone says they read or mention something about something I wrote. Just like you I'm looking at my stats but when I'm sitting there at my screen and typing away I'm not thinking about any of those people out there. In a way I think that makes our writing more authentic, writing what we want to say rather than what people want to hear.
ReplyDeleteBun, that totally makes it more awkward for me though. If I said, "Oh Dave and I decided to buy a radiator," and they responded with "Oh I know, you should have went with the other model like that room you re-did 6 months ago, I saw while reading your archives." I would be like beet faced red. Thanks a lot stupid Irish and Scottish genes!
ReplyDeleteJessica, I think too that I am almost less embarrassed by the posts where I feel like I'm putting it all out there than by the posts that are me being a normal everyday idiot.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking a lot about this. I just started blogging about a month ago and my husband, sister, and best friend know about my blog but that's it. I haven't shared with anyone else in real life yet and I'm really on the fence about whether I should or not. I kind of think I would censor myself if I knew that my mom, or ex, or whoever was reading. Maybe that's something I'll get over as I keep writing.
ReplyDeleteThe first time someone told me they read my blog I was dumbfounded. She wasn't a stranger, but I didn't really KNOW her. I just stood there making choking sounds until she gave up and walked away. (not really, but it was VERY awkward)
ReplyDeleteI try not to think too much about the idea that real live people are reading, otherwise I would freeze up and never write anything.
Michelle your blogs are AWESOME.. They are just quirky enough and also have GREAT ideas and recipes. You keep everything real... There are some blogs that are just fake and scam-like. I LOVE THAT YOURS IS REAL. Plus it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one that has issues every now. for example starting a project and it takes longer than expected to finish.
ReplyDeleteThis whole thing made me giggle, because to a point, I know just what you mean. I have yet to meet someone new that has read my blog, but when I see friends and they mention it, I am kind of at a loss for how to respond. I also have never been able to mention it in casual conversation, like: "oh, by the way, I started a blog. You should check it out". I don't think I'd ever be comfortable doing that. I think in person I tend to be more shy, or, just paranoid I am going to blush myself into a coma.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I'm so glad you didn't think I was a nut job. Or at least, not a dangerous nut job :)
I've been meaning to tell you, I'm your long lost conjoined twin ;) teasing.
ReplyDeleteI always feel the same way. I haven't had the in person blog thing happen but I'm following people on instagram locally and when I see them in person I'm not sure what to say/how to act. We live in a world that's so open, thus making our world a small after all.
I don't market my blog like I should and maybe it's the fear that this all might happen to me :)
Omigosh, yes! I once had a coffee date with someone who I had "met" through my blog and it was so wonderfully weird. I asked if I was the same in person as I was online and she said pretty much, except she assumed I was a stay at home mom. I think I'm most myself behind a computer screen, it's harder to keep it real in person, you know?
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, yes! It does feel weird when someone in real life wants to talk about what I've recently blogged about. I almost get a little shy. A couple of months back we were in church and our Pastor mentioned my blog during his sermon! All I could think was, "Holy crap! How many inappropriate things has MY PASTOR read?!?" In the end, I always feel better after blogging so I really try not to think about what other people think.
ReplyDeleteP.S. LOVE your blog! If we ever meet in real life, I promise to not bring it up...unless you do first. I which case we can talk for hours and hours about your lack of bra wearing and endless deeeeelish recipes.
Uh, no. It is weird when people mention a post or something. And like sometimes I wonder why I keep doing it...then I remember I meet cool people, like you, this way. ;) And it is WAAAAY less creepy than the time I was in line somewhere and someone recognized my voice from the radio. I used to be a dj and they did the slow turn and SHOUTED my name at me in line. OMG. THAT was creepy.
ReplyDeleteI still feel awkward when my mom either sends me an email or comments in person about something I wrote on my blog. It's kind of like, you can read, but don't tell me about it!!
ReplyDeleteMichelle, blogging is like sitting on the airplane next to someone you don't know, will never see again and telling them everything about yourself. Somehow it feels good to say it and then walk away from it. I love your blog. I know the person you are and your blog just fills in the color.
ReplyDeleteLove you
Aunt Linda
I know a few people who read my blog but when my MIL reminds me that she reads it, it is very strange. But I'm semi-anonymous here, so many people don't know me in real life. I'm not sure how I'd feel if I was totally "out" as me on my blog!
ReplyDeleteI kinda feel the same way. When I first started my little blog one of my friends says to me, you haven't posted anything new in like a week...whats up?!, i was like oh you actually read it....lol. And Yes my MIL reads mine too, so sometimes I refrain from posting some things. But then I am like whatever....
ReplyDelete