Listen to Your Wife or Lose a Thumb.

There isn’t much I don’t like about this man.

Not much at all.  He’s intelligent.  He’s handsome.  He’s moderately amusing in some circles.  He spoils me rotten.

We don’t fight very often, but we argue debate converse a lot.  {Um, I’m fiery in case you haven’t noticed.}  For the most part I like him a lot.  One of the things though that drives me absolutely bonkers is his ability to fixate on something totally stupid that takes up time unnecessarily and/or is {in my expert opinion} totally unneeded.  It makes me nuts.

An example, you say?  Don’t mind if I do. 

Dave has to sharpen knives every single Wusthof-y time he uses them.

Do you know what it’s like to hear that annoying scraaaaaape scraaaaaape scraaaaaape of a knife be dragged along the steel knife sharpener thingy?  It’s maddening, let me tell you.  And totally unnecessary.

I scream sometimes when I hear it from the other room.

An interjection here if I may?

A couple weeks ago, I needed to make a trip up to Ikea for Amy’s Shower.  I grabbed the couple things I needed and mentioned that it would be great to get Finnegan a $15 art easel so he could paint.  Dave gave me the “we’re not spending unnecessarily now,” speech and I wholeheartedly agreed with him.  It was a measly $15, but he was right, it wasn’t something we needed right this very minute and it would make a great Christmas gift.

Not five minutes later, he was putting this $7 knife sharpener in our cart. 

Oh, I know what you’re saying.  You’re saying, but Michelle!  Why does Dave get something totally unnecessary when you’re not supposed to be spending??  Don’t you already own the maddening steel rod thingy that he already uses to sharpen every. time. he. uses. a. freaking. knife?

Exactly. 

Apparently though, he tells me, that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and the Ikea sharpener has the angle all done for you.

Why has he been using something that he doesn’t even know how to use EVERY time he sharpens a knife then, you ask?

This is my reality people.

So I give him “the look” and he pretends to put it back, but then he would have pouted, so I told him to get it.  Yes, yes, I told him to get it, but he should know that means do NOT get it. 

Duh.

Where was I?  Oh yes, here…

Sunday night I made a quick Costco run and called Dave and asked him to please start cutting onions for dinner.  When I got home, he mentioned that he had cut his thumb and I noticed it had a band-aid on it.  I didn’t think too much of it.

Right before bed he took a shower and casually mentioned that it might be bleeding a lot.  It was soaking through band-aids pretty quickly and he had cut himself 6 hours before.  It was midnight when I realized that maybe it was a bad cut.  I asked him if he needed to go to the ER for stitches.

Which is when he proceeded to tell me that there wasn’t anything to stich because he had cut part of his thumb OFF. 

And it had gone down the drain.

What?? 

The next morning he woke up {still bleeding on and off} and I made him call the doctor.

Here is his Facebook status.

When he got home, we were talking about his antibiotics and why the doc was being so careful which is when he mentioned that the knife was really sharp.

Like a cartoon, the light bulb went on.

Me:  “You sharpened that knife right before you sliced your thumb off, didn’t you?”

Dave:  “Maybe.”

Me:  “You didn’t mention that yesterday?”

Dave:  “Of course not.”

I would type the moral of this story, but I am pretty sure you all can already guess. 

Oh and don’t you worry about Dave, it should grow back.